Dear Diary, I'm Denmark!
by Shinigami Tayuu-Tsukuyo
Summary: So, this is Denmark's little diary...Fluff much? Diary stuff? Hope I'm not breaking any rules...99% NorDen/DenNor
1. Chapter 1

HEY DIARY,

Norgey has to seriously learn to accept help. I mean seriously. I mean, me, Sve, Tino, Icy, and Sweden and Finland's kid, Sea-whatever are there for him, right? Today, Norway tripped and twisted his ankle while he and Iceland were having 'alone time' while exploring a fjord...How creepy...Anyways, Iceland was about to help, but that lil clumsy derp ALSO tripped and landed in the water. Sometime later, I think, Russia fished him out and delivered him back to us in a box. Anyways, no one (except me, of course!) realised that Norway was gone (I mean, seriously, it's nice to not have him hovering over you, but still, he's a good guy, right?) and everything went on like normal, blah, blah, Iceland slept for a couple of hours, Berwald married Tino again (something like that), the works. HERE'S THE COOL PART.

I went out to go find more territory for ME and guess who I stumbled across? Good. Old. NORGEY. Yes, he was sitting there like nothing happened, and even though his ankle was twisted and couldn't walk, he just stared at the other side like he was zoning out (count, 89762th time he did that) so I went up to him. That's right. Papa Denmark went up to him, and his little curl slapped me. For a black dot that weighs less than air, it actually hurts...

ANYWAYS, THEN Norway heard me (manly scream out, of course) and told me that the curl was set on defense mode. Wow.

Our conversation after that went something like this;

"Hey Norgey!"

"..."

"Norgey?"

"..."

"NORWAY!"

"..."

"EARTH TO NORWAY!"

"..."

"Norway?"

"...I can hear you, you know."

"Okay."

And then we just sat there. IT WAS SO BORING. Norway didn't even talk, and when I patted him on the shoulder, the curl whacked me again.

Eventually, the sun started setting. Imagine the prettiest thing you ever saw. Now multiply that by fifty. What's the answer? Well, first things first, a good salesperson never gives away his secrets...But seriously, it actually looked nice. Norway even blinked a few times! How amazing is that? Well, after that, it was boring again. Then it got dark. Then I fell asleep, and I think I woke up to my own snoring. (delicate snoring, if you please.)

BUT GET THIS. It wasn't my snoring. It was Norgey's. Like, he had fallen asleep sitting upwards, how creepy is that? So I did the nice thing. I piggybacked him home. And I think I heard him say something, but I wasn't sure. I'm writing this from my room in my house (and yes, norgey is there, snoring like hell on my bed). I guess I'll go to sleep now. Maybe on the sofa. Norway'll freak if he wakes up next to me.

~Mathias Køhler (the king, yeah!)


	2. Chapter 2

DIARY,

I was right. Norway woke up on my bed and immediately accused me of sleeping with him. I mean, why would I do that? I was just trying to be nice...I even made him breakfast in bed, and all I got was a strange minute where Norgey resembled Russia, with the purple stuff floating around. What does that even mean? And a bunch of crazy stuff happened today, as well.

- Got stares from Finland and Sea-something because of those hand marks Norway gave me on my neck (He always does this to me, why?)

- France sent me a weird thing that looked like a rubber stick and congratulated me and Norway (Why?)

- Iceland came to my house he went purple as well (Really, I tried grabbing one of those purple blobs, and it felt like ice, how cool is that?! I gotta get him to tell me what that stuff is one day...)

- And, finally, Norway's curl chased me around the house while I babysat (NO I did not sit on him, but it was tempting) Seaboy, who told me to go faster as I ran for my life, giving him a deluxe piggyback (soda and sandwich included, great deal!).

So yeah, one heck of a day. NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE. Back to the story. I got Ol'Norgey breakfast in bed. Like, if you ever saw the guy eat, it's not a pretty sight. He takes in about a crumb per minute. BORING. Watching Norgey eat is about as entertaining as watching Japan talk. BECAUSE HE DOESN'T. I didn't mind watching him, but it's not fun to be in the same room as a hyperactive curl. I swear, that curl should be more calm, like yours truly.

Oh yeah, here's the other weird thing. After he finished (a quarter of the food in two hours, not bad, I guess), Lukas started mumbling random mumbo jumbo like Eyebrows. You know, MAJO PAJO RAW RAW RAW, except without the screaming and Russias. It was actually more fun listening to him mumble than eat. He was just like;

_asdasdasdasdasdasdasdasd...asdasdasdasdasdasdasdas dasd...Takk..._

Hint hint, the asds (Estonia said they're awesome, so 3) mean he was saying math problems or something. I heard him say Takk (Eh, something I heard somewhere, but I can't remember what it means...Does it matter?), whatever that means, and then he ignored me, THE AWESOME KING OF NORTH EUROPE! Just like that, Norway turned away.

All in all, Norgey'll probably be staying at my place for a few days, since every other Nordic is totally bombarded with stuff, even Iceland. Icy was just like; "I'm going on vacation, bye" and ditched his own brother. Finland and Sweden are on a honeymoon -hence me babysitting on Seathing- somewhere. I'm not going with them, that's for sure. The last time that happened...And I walked in on them...OH THE BURN. THE BURN. Yeah. BURN.

Anyways, I wanted to say- BURN BURN BURN. Okay, not that, but Norgey'll wake up soon...I can't have him seeing me write in a diary, that'll totally ruin my sales...SHUT UP SEAKID. GOD. TIME TO SIT.

~Mathias Køhler (Master of Kid, Baby, Adult, and People of All Kinds Sitting)


	3. Chapter 3

OH. MY. GOD. DIARY.

I think I successfully found Norgey's weak spot! Like, today, I was sitting Seaman, and we watched cartoons -manly cartoons, thank you-, blah BLAH BLAH. Anyways, Norway -who has these epic crutches and won't let me play with them...- joined us, and he just sat there and did the Norway thing he does. After a while of mindless DORA THE EXPLORER, please never watch that, stupid Spanish phrases and perverted foxes who want to steal a girl's stuff and then stops when she tells him to, that is what it's full of, it started to get stuffy. Even though my country is cool, cool, AND cool, watching Dora is enough to make people hyperventilate, you know?

Seadude, Lukas, and I took off those hats that made us so hot (in both ways, yeah! But not for Seafort) and I took off that ridiculous coat. COME ON. It was like a million degrees in there. And yes, I was wearing something under that. Don't get any wrong ideas, please, please...

So yeah, Dora marathon, me hiding under a pillow, Norgey Norwaying, and Seabrow singing along with the characters. After HOURS of TORTURE of SPANISH GIRLS, Seabrow agreed to shut off the TV so we could do more important things, like eat and breath. Get this;

Their hats were mixed together. Lukas, being the stubborn guy he is, refused to wear anyone else's hat except his own. Seabrow (I think that's his name, I'll just call him that the next time we go out for a walk) just snatched both of them and ran like the little shit he was. We ended up chasing him around the house (Actually, it was mostly me doing the chasing, since Norway just opened my fridge and took out a lemonade), he locked himself in the shed, saying that he was telling Tino and Sve how we 'mistreated and abused him' while they were gone. But since me and Berwald are such fantastic bros, we'll be fine, right?

This is the epic part. Like so epic, it'll bust your epic metre and you'll be flying through space on a plane you bought from me.

"Hey Lukas, he got away..."

"..."

"I guess I'm sorry...Wanna go drinking tonight? It'll help you feel better!"

"..."

"Lukas?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go drinking? I don't want to take care of Seabrow anymore..."

"Seabrow...?"

"That's his name, isn't it?"

AND HOLY MOTHER OF ODIN, that Norway's face changed. It was just like -adasdasda- and then it went -asdasd-. Less ASDs! The weird frozen thing he always did shifted for a second, and it went back to normal. Relaxing? Was that a yes to go drinking? More confusing stuff, but this is how I discovered his weak spot...Or at least, somewhere that makes him annoyed. Ol'Denmark here just went up to him and patted him on the head like a good friend, and then he slapped me. For a second, I laughed, because his face was so red. Like a tomato. You know? BUONO TOMATO BUONO TOMATO ummm...Yeah. I said that out loud, though.

Guess what happened next?

You got it. CURL. THEN I RAN.

Conclusion; Now I know why Norgey wears that hat of his...I still don't know what it means, though. Maybe if I karate chop it, he'll split open? OH SH...The curl's about to break down the door...

~Mathias Køhler (IM OKAY, DONT WORRY)


	4. Chapter 4

DI-DI-DI-DIARY! (Yeah, let's beatbox!)

God, Seabrow is SO annoying. He swarmed me for the past -what, 5 million hours?- ETERNITY. ABOUT. FREAKING. POWER RANGERS. Like, these stalker-men-double-gendered-beings-in-stripper-cos tumes. So I did what any sane person would do; I threw him into a bag and carried him back home to the Allies. Sweet and simple; You're looking at a genius right here, diary.

But then, I remembered why I didn't visit the Allies too much. When I entered with my Seabrow-in-a-bag, a scone hit me in the face. Yeah, a scone. Not a knife, not a poison, a scone. Trust me, it's worse than you imagine. It was one of Eyebrow's scones. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW .

Like, I scrubbed my face fifty times just to get rid of the freakish smell of a dead unicorn -that's what he probably cooks anyways- and I still feel...EWWWWW.

Anyways.

EW. France was naked. America was passed out drunk (LIEKAB022). Russia was in China. Literally. Please, I won't give any details, it was a mind-blowing experience. So yeah, England's face was red and he was trying to murder France. At that point, I just threw the bag with Seabrow in it at those creepy Allies and gave them my best messenger-guy grin. Guess what happened next? I slowly walked out of the room, slowly, slowly, slo- THEN I FREAKING RAN.

After my unintentional marathon, I went back home. Home, sweet home. It was kinda lonely, though, since Norgey had left. He was ALL better, thanks to the greatest doctor in the world. No, none of England's Doctor Who stuff, but ME. MEeEeEe!

Still, it was quiet. No deadly boxing curls -what a shame, all that football gear I borrowed from America went to waste- or freaking purple Play-Doh. (That's what it is, according to America. Like, he's a great guy, you should meet him sometime, great resource for weird things.)

So, update on the events of THE NORDICS;

-I have not idea where Sve is, but Finland returned a few days ago -god, I thought he was pregnant, -but then he told me that he had hid a santa bag under his uniform, whew, big baby- and that Sweden was the dad. He blushed, though. Did I also mention that I'm a great policeman and a detective? BABY-DETECTOR. YEAHHHHH!

-Iceland came back and he went over to Norway's house for snuggle time, whatever that is -hey, I wanted that too...Why didn't Icy invite me?-.

-Of course, Norway is gone. Not at his big bro's house anymore. Nope.

I should visit Norgey tomorrow. I feel bored. No one to talk to. Maybe we can go drinking together? That would be nice...I wonder what Norgey's like when he's drunk? Awesome?

~Mathias Køhler, professional doctor, detective, policeman, and baby-detector. And Power-Ranger-phobic.


	5. Chapter 5

OMG YES DIARY,

So yesterday I went to visit Norway. His curl was good, and I felt tempted to give it a cookie, but then again, cookies are tasty...I so didn't eat it before I got there. Yeah. You saw too much!

Norgey was talking to himself again. It's kinda weird, y'know? He was just looking at the air and was like,

"Oh, hello. Is there something you wanted? Hm? Romania tried a spell on Elizabeta? I wonder how that went..."

WTF. Like, magics aren't even real. You heard me. Magics isn't real. England's hocus-pocus might be, -though that time he stuck me to Iceland was cool, it was still creepy, like, Iceland's face was just like OoO- but he's BRITISH. Unless Norway's also BRITISH, that makes no sense. Only BRITISH people are that freaky. And that eyebrow-hairy.

You like how I saw BRITISH? Because BRITISH people are...BRITISH. Yeah.

So, Norway was talking to thin air, and I kindly interrupted by pointing out that he was a crazy nutjob. Then Norway just did the 0_0 thing at me. Actually, more accurately, 0_0

Yeah, his mouth looked that big. He looked derpy, actually! Like, Norgey Derp! I should call him that the next time I see him...

Yeah. Norway made that face. Now, we all know that Norgey Derp's a bit shy. So of course, a professional psychologist like me knew just how to handle it. Like, America emailed me the other day and dared me to say this to my best bud...Well, I have no idea where Sve is, so I guess Norway counts. Oh well. Get ready. Ready...I was like all awesome and,

"HEY NORGEY, WANNA GO SKINNY-DIPPING?"

Norways face + My epic question (what is skinny-dipping anyways? It can't be that bad) = 0=o=0 Like, I'm such a great artist too, right? The 0s are his huge eyes and the = was random red stuff on his face. Obviously the o was his mouth. If you don't know that YOU ARE INTELIGANTLY CHALLENGED. Yeah. Or whatever Austria called me the other day. He must've said it by accident, though.

Well, he was like that for a long time. So I used one of my other famous icebreakers.

"Well...Actually, I don't know what the heck that is...But do you wanna go drinking tomorrow night? At my place?" Well, that was kinda long, and not as catchy as WANNA GO SKINNY-DIPPING but still, it works, right?

And get this. NORGEY SAID YES! Well, actually, after lots of me shaking him and poking him, he said yes, but still. I AM DANCING.

It's really lonely drinking alone on Saturday nights, y'know? It's no fun getting all drunk and getting these epic hangovers by yourself. Plus, I invited America and Prussia to come too. We're all awesome. We can make Norway awesome, don't worry!

~Mathias Køhler, EVEN AWESOMER THAN PRUSSIA. YOU HEARD RIGHT!


End file.
